NaNoWriMo

I've written about 7600 words for NaNoWriMo, which is not so good. There are still eleven days to go, so I will probably still finish in time, but I really am not feeling it this year. If that makes any sense. I just can't get into the story. I don't know if it's because I did a detailed outline or not.

But on balance I think that must be it. I think I miss the freedom or writing and discovering what the story is. I'm hitting the second draft doubts instead. Of course if I can get past them and get on with this story then that should help with other first drafts I've written.

Still I think that next year I won't outline at all. Hopefully I will have a story, but I just put down a few lines giving the general overview and do the rest in November. Currently it feels like I'm just filling in the blanks and there is nothing to discover.

I love discovering the story. I think that is what I love the most about writing. I also think that is the reason I will never be published. I'm not sure I'll ever finish anything to a high enough standard to be published, because by the time I reach that stage there is nothing new left in the story for me.

I never started this to write for other people. I started this to write for me.

2000 words and counting

I'm behind in NaNoWriMo and for some reason I'm not worried. This year it seems less important and I don't know if that is because I know I can finish it in ten days or if I've just lost the will to complete NaNoWriMo.

Last year was the first year that I wrote on almost everyday. I spread the load out more evenly. All the previous years, excluding the one where I didn't finish, I wrote 50000 words in just ten days. The last ten days to be exact.

I think it's the deadline that pushes me on. Without it I don't feel any urgency, I mean I can always catch up tomorrow, right?

I'm hoping to write today. In fact, after I've finished this post I'll be writing. But I have a busy day at work and at home, so I'm pretty sure it's not going to be the big catch-up I need. Then again, at least I'll be writing something...

NaNoWriMo

I have a total of 750 words written. I should be at 8335 words, writing at the 1667 words per day. I have an excuse...

Work has been a nightmare. I didn't get a weekend. I was in working both Saturday and Sunday. I'm taking Tuesday off in compensation and possibly Friday. I have a meeting on Wednesday which will decide if Friday is possible or not.

I should get some written today too. I'll update here if I do, but as things aren't working I do have a bit of extra time.

The other weird bit about all this is that I am not the least bit worried. I normally start about November 20th and finish in time, so I'm totally calm. At the moment that is. Give it a few more days and I'll be wondering if I'll make it this year.

Good luck to all NaNoWriMo writers.

Long weekend

I wrote something over the weekend! OK, so I didn't write every day. On two days, I was so busy there was no chance to do anything. However I got all of one ending complete and most of the second ending outlined. The second ending is a lot more complicated. Much more than I originally anticipated, so there are still a couple of scenes left to go. I hoping to finish that tonight.

But as I was so busy, I didn't get all the housework done, and that needs to be done at some point. I still have to load all the scenes onto the computer to. I wrote them long hand, which for outlining seems to work for me. I will have to spend a couple of hours typing them up, but in the worst case I'll simply refer to the paper copy instead.

So I'm almost ready for NaNoWriMo and I'm looking forward to it too :)

More scenes

I added five more scenes to my NaNoWriMo outline and with those scenes I have reached the point where I can go one of two ways. So tonight I'm going to start writing the first of the two endings. Hopefully I'll get a chance to put down the other ending too.

I have fifty scenes without any ending, which is the highest I've ever go to with this sort of outlining. So if I average 1000 words per scene, that's the 50000 words without finishing. Of course some will be much shorter, a few hundred at most, but others will be much longer, especially where I have grouped together several scenes in the outline.

The upshot is I shouldn't have any problems with writing the 50000 words for NaNoWriMo. There should be about 15 to 20 scenes left for the ending, perhaps up to 25. So I should be able to write getting close to 75000 words if I keep going and use all the scenes I've got written down.

I wonder what the reality will actually be...

Sick

I was ill for most of last week. I went out on the Sunday and picked up some sort of bug. I wish I could say I spent the week curled up in bed, but unfortunately I had an important meeting on the Thursday at which I had to do a presentation. I only found out about it on Monday. So while sick, I had to put together said presentation, attend the full day meeting and give my presentation.

I did all that, but nothing else except sleep. Outlining was out of the question and even thinking about NaNoWriMo was too difficult. Now there's only nine days left. Still I have enough already outlined to keep me going, but I would like to outline at least one of the endings. So tonight I have to write. No option. It just needs to be done.

Next weekend I'll be out and about again, attending an event. I hope I don't pick up another bug. That would be just my luck though. Still November doesn't start until Thursday so that gives me some time to recover. I'm also glad that it starts on a weekday. I know most people hate this, but for me, work days tend to be more structured, which means I'm far more likely to write.

I'm going to try for my 5000 words per day. Then all I need to do is write on ten out of the thirty days. Not to mention that if I don't make it to 5000 it's not all over. I know if I aim for the minimum, that's all I will do and if I fail to reach that, there is a very good chance that I will fail to complete the challenge.

Weekend washout

I didn't write a single thing from Friday through Sunday, which is dreadful. I did so promise myself to. Tonight I will write at least another 5 scene descriptions.

But on the upside, I got a good rest on Saturday, which is code for I did nothing, well almost nothing. And Sunday I did some housework in the morning, then took the afternoon to go for a drive with my husband.

All in all I was incredibly lazy this weekend. Have to try harder.

more writing

I wrote another four scenes last night, so that means I've written every night so far this week. It feels good. I'm going to try to write more on other things too, I just don't want to try too much too fast. If I do, it may get to be too much and then I will stop. I don't want to stop.

I currently have fifty scenes and no ending. I'm at the point where the story, in my head, can go two ways. I'm sure there are many more ways it could go, but these are the two that I see. I'm going to write two sets of scenes for the ending, then I have something to help me when NaNoWriMo starts no matter which one I choose at the time.

Of course I might go for a completely different ending by then, but I'll cross that bridge if I get there.

more writing

For the last two evenings I have written some more scene descriptions. I've added ten more to the list, giving me a total of forty one. Not bad.

Of course I shouldn't really call them scenes, because several are a collection of scenes, which go together. Still it should become more clear when I actually start writing them.

I'm still in two minds about the ending. I'm not sure which way I should go. I think I might write summaries for both and then use which ever is relevant. Of course if I think that's not working I can easily switch to the other.

Still if I keep this up, I will be ready for NaNoWriMo by the end of next week. Earliest ever for an outline. It's getting easier too. I guess it's all the practise.

If I do finish the outline, then I'm going to work on the short story again. I'll do another re-write. I found an older version the other day, which I prefer to the latest one. I'm going to try to write a version which combines the best of both stories.

The older version has five main characters, which is a bit much for a short story. The newer has three, but loses something in the cutting. I have to work out what and try to put that back in. That should keep me (1) writing and (2) occupied while I wait for NaNoWriMo to start.

I wrote something

OK, so it was just a few scene descriptions, but at least I did something and it felt good. I'm going to try to do the same thing again this evening.

I wrote four and a half scenes for my NaNoWriMo. The half scene was adding information and some detail to a one line scene description that I wrote earlier. So now I have thirty scene descriptions to help with NaNoWriMo.

I'm hoping to get to fifty before the start on November 1st, then if nothing else I only have to write a thousand words for each one. Not that all my 'scenes' are actually that, some are a collection of shorter scenes I use to illustrate something, such as rising tension in the community.

At the moment I don't have any details on these in mind. Some of it will depend on how the characters come across in the scenes before this point, but I do want this to be shown. Just not sure exactly how it will pan out yet.

I almost didn't do any writing last night. I had to set up wifi and update an old computer for the kids. That took most of the evening, then all I wanted to do was sleep. But I decided to write at least one scene description before sleeping. Then I ended up with four more. This makes me very happy.

Something I'm very good at.

I'm very good at doing nothing. And I mean nothing. I haven't written a word in a week. Ridiculous. So today I made a promise to myself to write something every evening this week, starting tonight. Well it is a bit difficult to start yesterday...

Sorry in a bit of weird mood. It's freezing at work and I am staying warm by making lots of mugs of tea, which I hold until they get cold, then drink. It's helping.

There seems to be a lot of setbacks and bad news at the moment. I'm waiting for something good to happen. But if I remember rightly, most of the time you need to make things happen. They don't just magically happen by themselves. Which means I need to do something rather than my nothing.

Trouble is doing nothing is so easy and it comes so naturally to me. Stop being lazy! (and work on the typing before NaNoWriMo or the whole thing will be unreadable or I'll spend my whole time correcting my typing errors.)

lack of writing

Due to some problems at work, I'm pre-occupied with work rather than anything else. It's getting a little stressful and will probably get worse before it gets better.

This means I've done practically no writing since my last post. I did add one sentence to my NaNoWriMo outline, but that was it. I'm a bit disappointed with myself. We had a power cut at home, so I could have done some writing then, but I read instead.

Which is not such a bad thing. I love to read and I haven't done so in a while. I read Snuff by Terry Prachett and I did enjoy it, but I didn't feel it was as good as some of his other books. At some points it felt a little forced, but that could just be me.

The other book I read a little of was a collection of short stories by Stephen King, some of which were written many years ago. I didn't enjoy them as much as I used to. I have only read two of the stories, but neither really grabbed me. The first was OK, but the second I just couldn't finish. It made me put the book down.

It makes me wonder if my taste in books is changing. Of course those first two stories might be the worst two in the book. I need to read more to know. I've also started to read Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand. It's interesting and well written, but I'm only at page 275 so there's a long way to go.

I'm glad I read a lot, but I wish I'd written more. Being distracted isn't a good thing.

Yesterday

I wrote 1831 words yesterday on 'The Haunted House', which impresses me at least. It's the most I've written in one day for a long time. December last year was probably the last time I wrote that much in one day.

I did struggle towards the end. I was having trouble with what to write and some things ended up more as a summary than prose. I need to learn to rewrite this parts to make them better to read and if I get time today, that's what I will try to do.

I didn't do anything on the outline for NaNoWriMo. I really ought to do five to ten minutes a day. I'll be finished well in time for October even at that rate. I know that when I start I tend to write for much longer than I intended to. I get sucked into the story and forget about time and the real world for a while.

It's the starting that's hard.

A miracle

This weekend I wrote something. I actually added to the scenes for NaNoWriMo. I only added three more scenes, but I also dealt a little with the timeline. I had just been going from one day to the next without worrying about how many days there are in a week.

For most people the week in split into five work days and two weekend days, I felt that I should keep to this. The book is set in a school, so this does make perfect sense. Having a break for the weekend, will also help the story move on despite there being no real action during this time.

Then the second half of the story begins. I'm not entirely sure how this will turn out or in fact which ending will work best, but over the next few weeks I hope to find out. I get the feeling it's going to be a bit in between the extremes - the MC either going fully bad or staying fully good.

Still I wonder if he'll make the right choice...

Bad news

I received some bad news yesterday, which threw me off a bit. There's been rumors and gossip for a week or two and now the news has been confirmed. Nothing is actually decided yet, but the advice is now known. This means I might not have a job soon.

So I haven't thought about writing, never mind actually written anything for a couple of days. I am hoping to change that this weekend, by at least producing some more scene scenarios for NaNoWriMo. I might write a bit more on other things, but that's not so likely to happen.

My desktop is dead and has gone back to HP to see if they can fix it. I won't know the verdict for another week or two. Unfortunately all my writing was on the hard drive. At least I have a back up of most of it as I also use my netbook for writing too. But anything I did in the last two weeks is on the one I can't access.

HP should put a copy of the disk onto a secure webpage for me, so that I can download the contents again. I wonder if this will work or not...

So there won't be any real loss. Just some annoyance because I don't have my desktop. And the expense, if I have to get a new one. Theoretically they have to either fix it or replace it, but I have a nasty feeling I'm not going to like the replacement. They don't have the one I bought any more and I have rather specific requirements.

I'm just thinking that everything will go wrong at the moment. I'm sure not everything will, but still...

The weekend

I've written a little bit more, but not as much as I would've liked. I had a very busy weekend and I didn't get a chance to stop and think. It spilt over into this week, which means I didn't do anything last night either.

I am writing now, which is an improvement. I am starting to write more slowly. By that I mean writing on more days and not just writing 5000 words in one sitting and then nothing for a week or two.

OK, so I'm not writing a huge amount in each session, but it's starting to become more consistent. Today I'm hoping to write up a scene that came to me yesterday. It's either the start of a story or a turning point in one. This may sound a little weird, but it tends to be how I start of a story at least.

I start with a scene. That suggests a set up or a set of characters or a place that becomes a large part of a longer story. The scene won't necessarily make it past the first draft, but it is the inspiration for the story. Seems to work for me.

more scenes

Since my last post, I've written some more scene description for NaNoWriMo 2012. I have extended the idea and add a new dimension to the story. It should be interesting. Plus, of course, it gives me a whole load more scenes to write. The more the merrier.

Well the more scenes, the more likely I will be to reach 50 000 words. No 5000 word scenes describing the MC making a sandwich (that was from year 1).

I've also done a bit of unrelated writing too. The start of a new story with a working title of The Haunted House, which strangely enough is not actually a ghost story. I don't have an outline or even a defined plot for this one. It's just a write what comes into my mind story.

I haven't written one of those for a long time. They don't normally work out that well as I sort of write myself into knots that are impossible to undo. Still it's a fun way to write.

Yesterday

I didn't write a thing yesterday evening. I intended to, but my desktop computer failed. So instead I spent the evening trying to work out why and then finding the original receipt. It's only 9 months old so it's still under warranty.

This means I wasted an evening. I still have to look up the return/fix procedure for the company, but there's nothing I can do until next week. I still have my netbook, so I can still write. It's just annoying that I wasted so much time on the other computer.

The netbook is quite limited in it's capacity, so I'll have to try to use my work laptop to replace the desktop for the time being. I just hope it's not completely dead. Trouble is, I fear it might be.

Now, I'm annoyed, upset and tired. And not necessarily in that order.

NaNoWriMo outline

I've actually started the outline. Mostly in broad strokes, but some details when they occurred to me. This is the earliest I've ever started planning and probably the furthest I've ever got.

Last year I did some outlining too, but sort of go side tracked half way through, so I never finished. This time I've almost finished. I know how the story ends and I know how to add in more scenes.

I need a few more 'complications', but I have a long list I can use. Sometimes I find myself unable to come up with one plausible sub-plot. This time I can add in or not as I need. I do have to make sure that they don't obscure the real plot...

...though having said that, maybe I should allow it to be somewhat obscured. Might make things more interesting. Of course it could go horribly wrong, but nothing ventured, nothing gained.

So far this is all hand written. I'll try to get it put across into yWriter and set up so that I can just open the chapter or scene, see the summary and start writing. Famous last words...

Still at least I know what I'm going to write and I have some writing exercises I can do between NaNoWriMo and now. Maybe I'll even keep this up-to-date.

Long time, no write

On here at least. I did do some writing, but not much.

However, I do have this year's NaNoWriMo plot. It came to me a couple of days ago. It's not something that I normally would write, but I think I need to try something different. It's still a murder mystery. No change there. It's the point of view and how the narrator relates to the rest of the cast that will be very different from anything else I've written.

The plot came to me as I was just starting a writing exercise, which had to be written in first person. I never write in first as I generally hate prose written that way, with one or two notable exceptions. It's one of these that is partly responsible for the point of view choice.

The plot could work in two particular situations. One of these would make it young adult. I've never written nor considered writing something other than fiction for adults. So I'm in two minds, should I try young adult instead? I think I might. Sometimes it's good to do something totally different.

I've already got the storyline. I'm going to start plotting it out in more detail. How much detail will depend on how much time I have and what I can think of. Sometimes I do better when I don't detail too much. Other times I have no idea what to write and that can kill a NaNoWriMo.

The short story

I did finally get round to reading my short story and I didn't like. I didn't hate it either, but I felt it was lacking something. I wonder if I have an earlier or later version that is better than this one. I remember the story being different from the one I read.

There were some parts that I thought didn't make sense, but I do remember that the original had a larger cast, and inconsistencies may be due to this reduction in characters. I can think of a way to even this parts out a bit, so it's not a lost cause.

However something just doesn't sit right. I think I need to see if I still have the earlier version, and see if I have a later one too. But all of this still means I need to rewrite more of the story than I had thought. I guess most of that is due to my bad memory or time making the story seem better than it ever actually was.

One plus point was that I actually noticed some typing and grammar errors. I normally read straight past that sort of thing, so I was actually happy about that. To clarify, I read through the piece twice. Once for the story and the second time for the english.

The second reading surprised me. I hadn't expected to see quite as much as I did.

Busy and tired

Both are unfortunately true. I'm waking up a little earlier each day, currently it's 4:45am. The weekend was frantic with something booked  on both days. I'm exhausted and I need a weekend to recover from it all. However I have to work...

I have so much to do, but that's just an excuse. And not a very good one either. Time to head to the NaNoWriMo boards and see if I can find some motivation or inspiration. I might try to find a writing buddy - someone who will gently encourage me to write. (OK, so it'll be more like giving me a hard, swift kick to the backside, but still.)

I need someone to encourage me. I'm the only one I know who writes, or tries to. Sometimes it gets lonely. Not to mention how easy it is to get distracted. Everyone else wants to do something else, so I go happily along, thinking I can do the writing a bit later. Of course later, like tomorrow, never comes.

Well I've made a list of things to do this evening. There are a total of five items on the list. Writing is one of them. Two of the items I have to do this evening, one may be postponed until Wednesday (I'm home earlier on Wednesday so have more time then) and the fourth is a five-minute job. So there is a slight chance that I'll get round to it. But it isn't guaranteed.

A new post

I haven't even thought about writing since the last post I put up here. Sounds terrible, but it's true. I've been busy, which is no excuse, but it is the truth.

I really need to get round to editing the short story and sending it off. It won't take that long to do. In a week, I should have it ready to go. Then submitting it can be as easy or as hard as I want it to be. Several of the magazines have on-line submission pages, which means the whole process can be done quickly.

One or two have paper/snail mail submissions only. They would take a little longer as I have to print every thing out correctly, then find an envelope etc.

Both methods have something in common - neither is difficult or something I have never done before. But until I actually edit the story, I can't do either.

I have actually edited this story before. It was a couple of years ago when I first thought about actually getting it published, but I chickened out before pressing the submit button. This time I'm simply not getting round to rereading  the story.

Excuses, excuses.

Well on to another busy week. Hopefully it will get quieter, but who knows.

Nothing

After all that activity, I have done nothing else on getting my short story published. I have printed it out, using courier, 12pt, double spacing, but nothing else. I haven't got round to reading it. This will change in the next couple of days.

I do have a busy week, but there's still time in there to do this. During the last week I was on holiday for several days, so I was busy with that. The days I did work, were incredibly busy. I didn't get to stop at all. Comparing this week to last, this one is very quiet.

Of course it's all comparative. My normal week is much quieter than this week and last week was the busiest I've been in a long time. Hopefully things will slow down and I'll get more time for me. Trouble is I always find that something new comes up to replace the old.

Here's to editing my short story - the next stage in getting it published.

The story

Last night I printed out my short story, in 12 point, Courier, double spaced. All of this helps when proof-reading. Now all I have to do is proof-read it and edit. Sounds so simple doesn't it.

Another step closer to being in print.

Spreadsheet

So my spreadsheet is ready and I have information from all on how to submit stories. Now all I have to do is go over the story one more time...

I'm nervous just thinking about it. I haven't read it in a while and I'm worried I'm going to think it sucks. Maybe it does. Still nothing ventured nothing gained.

I had changed my mind about The New Yorker, but having read comments from people who had submitted to them, I'm going to try there first. I know I will have to wait months for a reply, but that a good excuse for not doing anything.

I'll wait three months, then submit to other publications. Most of these have much shorter waiting times. I did notice that there are still quite a few that take only paper submission via snail mail. I didn't realise that there were so many who still did this.

They still use the old layouts too - no italics and use of double-dash etc. I'm so used to most wanting a .doc or .rtf this came as a bit of a shock.

I've also started two new short stories. Not sure if both will work out, but they are turning into some interesting anyway. I was struggling to start, but I found that using a 'first sentence' generator helped. In fact my current short story started off the same way.

I didn't keep the original short story, but it helped to start of the process. I get the feeling the two new ones will go the same way. I guess I suffer from empty page syndrome. I can't begin, but with a beginning I can do almost anything.

Something remarkable

I actually did something about writing. I looked up markets for my short story. There are five front runners and about five not so front runners. These are all paying markets. I haven't looked at the others yet, so I have more to fall back on.

I want to re-read my short story before I send it to the first one on the list. Then I just have to wait for a reply. I'm going to try and do that tonight. Meanwhile I'm going to make up a spreadsheet with the markets. I'll note there when I actually send out the story and when I get the rejection...

So miracles really do exist.

One thing

I haven't written anything in weeks. I do feel guilty, but I don't feel bad about it. I need to change stuff in my life. I'm just not getting round to it. The status quo is so much easier...

I plan to do one thing on writing this week. I'm not sure what, I still want to look up markets for my short story or I might actually write something. I haven't decided yet.

All I have to do is one thing. That's it.

No writing

Now there's a surprise...not. I went to the Spring Fair on Saturday instead and had a great time. Not to mention that Sunday was Mother's day, so I got to sit around doing nothing for at least some of the day. Of course that shouldn't have stopped me, but I'm in excuse mode right now.

And any excuse is good enough to stop me from writing. Pathetic I know and I know that I'm doing it. I just can't seem to stop. I finished reading An Angel's Game by Carlos Ruiz Zafon, which contains some of the best writing advice available - 'Sit down and write'.

I really like the book, but in all honesty I thought his first book, The Shadow of the Wind, was better. I found An Angel's Game a bit slow getting started. I wasn't reading in the perfect situation, my international train was delayed, so I missed my connection and I had to find another way to reach my destination, so perhaps that affected my judgement. I will re-read it in a month or two and see if I still feel the same way.

Nightmare trip...

...where I didn't even take any writing with me. I have to admit I thought I would have Internet access so I could do some research whilst away. However due to a missing wireless adaptor on my new laptop this never happened and I only realised shortly before leaving. There wasn't enough time to take corrective action, like getting a USB/wireless adaptor or uploading writing files to the laptop.

So I went away and did nothing the whole time. A complete waste. I think that there maybe time this weekend, as I don't think there are any family commitments. And next week is a three-day week followed by a four-day weekend, which should allow for a little more me time.

Time to start getting serious and find solutions instead of problems.

This week

I did absolutely nothing about joining the writing course. I should have done, but I just didn't. I was very busy doing other stuff with my family, but that's no real excuse. I seem to have frozen and I don't mean I have writer's block.

I'm scared to open up the files and start writing again. I'm worried that what I have already written is bad. Sounds stupid, but it's true. I never used to worry about it, but now I decided to get more serious I'm really having problems with my confidence. That's not something I expected.

I have a very busy day coming up tomorrow, which means I can't do anything on or about writing. In fact I won't even get round to doing my usual housework. I'll have to play catchup on Sunday. However I'm going to try to do something on writing on Sunday too. It doesn't have to be much. I think I'll try looking for paying markets for my short story. Bookmark those I'm interested in.

I'll see if I can print it out and re-read it too, for one last edit. I'll qualify that statement by saying that I don't have a printer attached to my computer so I have to transfer the files to the laptop first. Doesn't sound like much work and it isn't, but for some reason it always seems like a big thing.

It's funny how small obstacles can seem so large.

Writing

So what am I doing about actually getting round to writing? Well not much. I am considering doing an on-line/remote course. I do find that these help me get writing again and maybe it's the push I need.

The one I was considering is this one http://newyorkwritersworkshop.com/newest-nyww-online-course-beginnings2, which was recommended by a certain marine animal's blog. Of course she uses her real name nowadays, but, in general, her advice shouldn't be ignored.

I can't do the Skype version (well I could but I wouldn't get much sleep), but they do have the recorded version. I'm in 2 minds at the moment as it's still a lot of money. Time to weigh the benefits versus costs. I'm too tired to make the decision straight away. I might make the right one, but it's better to wait until I'm fully conscious so I judge things a little better.

I just re-read that last statement and am wondering how true it really is...

Still I have a few days off work next week and an opportunity to buy some shoes. I've had a strong desire to buy shoes for a few weeks now and have resisted. But I think it's time my resolve crumbled and I experience that fleeting moment of ecstasy, before the pain of having to actually walk in the shoes cuts in.

None of this has anything to do with writing. Time to take a nap.

No writing

but I did make 2 marble bags for the children and I planted out the tomato, paprika and aubergine plants. By planting out, I mean I put them in larger pots in the greenhouse and set up the bamboo poles for the tomato plants. The plants aren't actually attached to the poles yet, but they will be.

We've just had the back garden redone and we moved the greenhouse. In fact we halved the size of the greenhouse and moved it so that it is against the girls' playhouse. We literally cut the greenhouse in half using metal cutters. Don't you just love thin aluminium framed greenhouses. And the girls' playhouse is the former brick hen house that dates from the twenties. It was in a dreadful state, but after clearing it out, rebuilding the back wall, plastering inside, painting the inside, completely renovating the roof (it was basically removed and replaced) and actually installing glass in the windows, it makes a large playhouse.

Anyway none of this has to do with writing, but it does have to do with doing things. I had broken the habit of doing things, not just at the weekend, but during the weekday evenings. I used to sit in my chair watching TV or reading from when I got home until I went to bed. I'm starting to change that. Little by little, I'm being to do things again. I might even finish the dress I'm making in the next month. I have to do the button holes at some point, and it's been a long time since I made one. I'm terrified.

Tomorrow I have an exam, so today I'm studying. There will be no other writing today. I was going to say no writing, but I just wrote not just this post, and another one for a different blog, so I have written today. Back to the studying. I have to pass.

Posting

I did mean to post at the weekend, but it never happened. I spent my entire Saturday running errands and Sunday recovering from Saturday. I did start to clean up my desktop computer. This isn't helping, because I have to check/try out everything before I delete it...I wouldn't want to get rid of something important.

OK, so I'm just wasting time, which is never a good idea. I am making some progress, but it's slow and not very steady. I did do other things too. Like finishing off the second arm of the dress I'm making and tacking both arms in place.

I am going to start doing things in the evening too. I need to make a simple, draw-string bag, which should only take one evening to complete and will make someone very happy. That's scheduled for tonight. I have no idea if we have any string in, but the rest I can do.

Of course none of this has anything to do with writing, but it is progress. If I can start doing more things, I will start finding time for writing too. At the moment I find ways of not doing anything, therefore I feel less guilty about not writing. If I'm doing stuff, I'll end up writing again. At least that's what I think will happen...

It's hard

I have been ready to submit my short story for some time now, but I just haven't been able to press the send button. I thought that this would be the easy part. The story is written and re-written and review and edited. Somehow I just can't do it.

I'm worried it will be accepted. Sounds weird I know, you're supposed to worry about being rejected, but if it's accepted that means I really can write. I no longer have an excuse not to take my writing seriously, because someone else out there agrees there's something good in what I write.

Stupid isn't it.

However I've also made a few decisions. First I want to quit my job. I'm not going to do it immediately, but I will start looking at other jobs and opportunities. I'm not sure a full-time, nine-to-five job is really for me anymore, though the paycheck comes in very handy. So I'm also going to look at alternative ways of earning money.

Like through writing or translation or maybe a web shop, which has nothing to do with the previous two options, but it is considerably different from anything I do now. Of course this means I need to start pressing the submit button. I feel sick at the thought, but the sooner I do so, the sooner I'll know if it's a viable option or not.

If it isn't, then I still write and take part in NaNoWriMo. I'm not going to stop. I'll probably even still submit, if I get over my fear, every now and then, but I'll concentrate on other ways to make a living. And, yes, I need to earn money.

We've been a to income family for a long time now and we chose that route deliberately. We love old houses, so we bought one. But it takes a lot of time and money, however we have no intention of selling up to buy something modern and easy to maintain, that just isn't us. Old house and old cars are our passion and I just have to find another way to pay for them.

My job isn't such that I have to quit either for my health or sanity, but I'm just not enjoying it as much as I should be and I have no enthusiasm, which is beginning to show. I know it's time to move on. So now is the time to put effort into the writing and submitting process as well as look at other avenues. Maybe I'll get lucky and find the perfect job...

An update...

I'm not doing so good in updating this blog, but here's one.
I've finally found a copy of a short story I wrote about two years ago. I found it on the back-up, stand alone, hard disk we have. Thank the lord for back ups. I'm going to submit this story to magazines etc. and see if anyone wants to publish it. I'm going to start with paying markets first and go down from there. :)

My new, desk-top computer is up and running and it is on this computer that I have put the story. I will put it onto a USB stick just as soon as I have one with some space. I have also re-installed yWriter5 on to this computer.

I have a nasty habit of using my desk top computer for games and I tend to pick playing games over writing. I also own a netbook, which I only use for writing. The idea is that I move the story to the netbook, re-read it, edit as necessary and then submit it for publication.

My work computer is dying, so at the moment the entire contents of its hard drive are on a variety of USB sticks and portable hard drives. Hence I have no space available for the story. (Though having said that and while editing this post, I found a small USB stick, which does have space. So tonight the story gets moved.) I will be getting a new, work laptop in a week or two.

I've started to make a new schedule for writing and I'm actually doing some. Not a lot, but it's a start. I need to get into the habit of writing and that habit needs to be substainable.

I need to move the files around. For NaNoWriMo, I kept the files on a USB stick, but now I want to concentrate on using my netbook and not to write at work if at all possible. Therefore I will copy all the files on to the netbook.

One publication I'm going to check out is 'The New Yorker', because if I'm going to be rejected, I want to be rejected by the best.

And I keep getting sick, which means I'm tired all the time. At the moment a normal day is wake-up, eat, go to work, get home, eat and sleep. Repeat for all working days. I'm starting to feel a bit better - touch wood.

My typing is much worse. I don't seem to be able to 1) put my hands in the right rest positions on the keyboard and 2) hit the right keys when typing. I always seem to be a letter or two off or I press too many of the right key.

Practice make perfect. Now all I need to do is practice.

It's been a while

But I am feeling much better and I have started to write again. At least sometimes.

I'm going to try to start writing a blog. Nothing to do with writing or related subject, so I won't mention it here. It is still in the planning stages. I don't have a title or anything at the moment. Just an idea.

I'm still planning on submitting the short story I wrote a couple of years ago. I need to find it again. I know it's on my home computer, I just have to dig it out.

After I've caught up with that, I'm going to start on my book again. I know it has potential, all I have to do is make it work.

Sounds so simple...

Not so good

So I've not been feeling brilliant lately and have done practically nothing on my writing. I've had great plans and have done very little, including not submitting a short story to a competition. Stupid, but actually not that surprising.

This is because I am apparently suffering from moderate severe anxiety and moderate severe depression. Now there's something to get anxious and depressed about. To be truthful, it's not as bad as it seems. I'm not taking any medication and I won't be taking any.

I will be doing some 'courses' to help me change my way of thinking and reacting to situations. This is CBT - cognitive behavioural therapy and I should see results pretty quickly. It's not a quick fix, but most people see results fairly quickly if they do the work.

So I'm deliberately taking a break from writing and a few other things, while I get this sorted out or at least under control. I'm already feeling better, which may sound odd, but last weekend for the first time in a long time I took a brisk, 9-km walk, which I enjoyed immensely. Exercise does help as long as it's a type of exercise you enjoy.

I used to walk a lot. I lived on the edge of a village and used to walk in the hills frequently. I used to bike in the hills too. Now I live in a village in the middle of farmland. Very flat farm land too. It's now where near as pretty and I feel a bit uncomfortable walking around here. Most of the people who live here don't do that sort of thing. I need to get over this and get out more.

I'll try and keep writing here at least once a week. No promises though.

Christmas break

And it really was a break from everything except my family. I didn't write or read anything. Hopefully this weekend I will print out the entire NaNoWriMo manuscript, then I'll chop it into scenes and rearrange it all over the next few weeks.

As I move stuff around, I'll also rewrite the scenes - add or take away as necessary. I know that not all of them will be used. I put in extra background more for myself than anything else. The ending definitely needs work. I rushed it in November in order to finish on time.

The current version is almost two stories which don't quite come together. I need to make these two sides mesh a little better.

As usual I know what I need to do, I just haven't done it. Anyone noticing a theme here...

I also have a short story I wrote some time ago and as long as I can find it again, I'm going to edit it once more or at least read through it and then I'm going to submit it to magazines for publications. I still need to research this part, so at the moment I have no idea to which ones I will send it, but I will send it. That's my one resolution: to submit this one story for publication.

It would be nice if it is published, but I also want to get some experience in this area.