The short story

I did finally get round to reading my short story and I didn't like. I didn't hate it either, but I felt it was lacking something. I wonder if I have an earlier or later version that is better than this one. I remember the story being different from the one I read.

There were some parts that I thought didn't make sense, but I do remember that the original had a larger cast, and inconsistencies may be due to this reduction in characters. I can think of a way to even this parts out a bit, so it's not a lost cause.

However something just doesn't sit right. I think I need to see if I still have the earlier version, and see if I have a later one too. But all of this still means I need to rewrite more of the story than I had thought. I guess most of that is due to my bad memory or time making the story seem better than it ever actually was.

One plus point was that I actually noticed some typing and grammar errors. I normally read straight past that sort of thing, so I was actually happy about that. To clarify, I read through the piece twice. Once for the story and the second time for the english.

The second reading surprised me. I hadn't expected to see quite as much as I did.

Busy and tired

Both are unfortunately true. I'm waking up a little earlier each day, currently it's 4:45am. The weekend was frantic with something booked  on both days. I'm exhausted and I need a weekend to recover from it all. However I have to work...

I have so much to do, but that's just an excuse. And not a very good one either. Time to head to the NaNoWriMo boards and see if I can find some motivation or inspiration. I might try to find a writing buddy - someone who will gently encourage me to write. (OK, so it'll be more like giving me a hard, swift kick to the backside, but still.)

I need someone to encourage me. I'm the only one I know who writes, or tries to. Sometimes it gets lonely. Not to mention how easy it is to get distracted. Everyone else wants to do something else, so I go happily along, thinking I can do the writing a bit later. Of course later, like tomorrow, never comes.

Well I've made a list of things to do this evening. There are a total of five items on the list. Writing is one of them. Two of the items I have to do this evening, one may be postponed until Wednesday (I'm home earlier on Wednesday so have more time then) and the fourth is a five-minute job. So there is a slight chance that I'll get round to it. But it isn't guaranteed.

A new post

I haven't even thought about writing since the last post I put up here. Sounds terrible, but it's true. I've been busy, which is no excuse, but it is the truth.

I really need to get round to editing the short story and sending it off. It won't take that long to do. In a week, I should have it ready to go. Then submitting it can be as easy or as hard as I want it to be. Several of the magazines have on-line submission pages, which means the whole process can be done quickly.

One or two have paper/snail mail submissions only. They would take a little longer as I have to print every thing out correctly, then find an envelope etc.

Both methods have something in common - neither is difficult or something I have never done before. But until I actually edit the story, I can't do either.

I have actually edited this story before. It was a couple of years ago when I first thought about actually getting it published, but I chickened out before pressing the submit button. This time I'm simply not getting round to rereading  the story.

Excuses, excuses.

Well on to another busy week. Hopefully it will get quieter, but who knows.

Nothing

After all that activity, I have done nothing else on getting my short story published. I have printed it out, using courier, 12pt, double spacing, but nothing else. I haven't got round to reading it. This will change in the next couple of days.

I do have a busy week, but there's still time in there to do this. During the last week I was on holiday for several days, so I was busy with that. The days I did work, were incredibly busy. I didn't get to stop at all. Comparing this week to last, this one is very quiet.

Of course it's all comparative. My normal week is much quieter than this week and last week was the busiest I've been in a long time. Hopefully things will slow down and I'll get more time for me. Trouble is I always find that something new comes up to replace the old.

Here's to editing my short story - the next stage in getting it published.

The story

Last night I printed out my short story, in 12 point, Courier, double spaced. All of this helps when proof-reading. Now all I have to do is proof-read it and edit. Sounds so simple doesn't it.

Another step closer to being in print.

Spreadsheet

So my spreadsheet is ready and I have information from all on how to submit stories. Now all I have to do is go over the story one more time...

I'm nervous just thinking about it. I haven't read it in a while and I'm worried I'm going to think it sucks. Maybe it does. Still nothing ventured nothing gained.

I had changed my mind about The New Yorker, but having read comments from people who had submitted to them, I'm going to try there first. I know I will have to wait months for a reply, but that a good excuse for not doing anything.

I'll wait three months, then submit to other publications. Most of these have much shorter waiting times. I did notice that there are still quite a few that take only paper submission via snail mail. I didn't realise that there were so many who still did this.

They still use the old layouts too - no italics and use of double-dash etc. I'm so used to most wanting a .doc or .rtf this came as a bit of a shock.

I've also started two new short stories. Not sure if both will work out, but they are turning into some interesting anyway. I was struggling to start, but I found that using a 'first sentence' generator helped. In fact my current short story started off the same way.

I didn't keep the original short story, but it helped to start of the process. I get the feeling the two new ones will go the same way. I guess I suffer from empty page syndrome. I can't begin, but with a beginning I can do almost anything.

Something remarkable

I actually did something about writing. I looked up markets for my short story. There are five front runners and about five not so front runners. These are all paying markets. I haven't looked at the others yet, so I have more to fall back on.

I want to re-read my short story before I send it to the first one on the list. Then I just have to wait for a reply. I'm going to try and do that tonight. Meanwhile I'm going to make up a spreadsheet with the markets. I'll note there when I actually send out the story and when I get the rejection...

So miracles really do exist.

One thing

I haven't written anything in weeks. I do feel guilty, but I don't feel bad about it. I need to change stuff in my life. I'm just not getting round to it. The status quo is so much easier...

I plan to do one thing on writing this week. I'm not sure what, I still want to look up markets for my short story or I might actually write something. I haven't decided yet.

All I have to do is one thing. That's it.

No writing

Now there's a surprise...not. I went to the Spring Fair on Saturday instead and had a great time. Not to mention that Sunday was Mother's day, so I got to sit around doing nothing for at least some of the day. Of course that shouldn't have stopped me, but I'm in excuse mode right now.

And any excuse is good enough to stop me from writing. Pathetic I know and I know that I'm doing it. I just can't seem to stop. I finished reading An Angel's Game by Carlos Ruiz Zafon, which contains some of the best writing advice available - 'Sit down and write'.

I really like the book, but in all honesty I thought his first book, The Shadow of the Wind, was better. I found An Angel's Game a bit slow getting started. I wasn't reading in the perfect situation, my international train was delayed, so I missed my connection and I had to find another way to reach my destination, so perhaps that affected my judgement. I will re-read it in a month or two and see if I still feel the same way.

Nightmare trip...

...where I didn't even take any writing with me. I have to admit I thought I would have Internet access so I could do some research whilst away. However due to a missing wireless adaptor on my new laptop this never happened and I only realised shortly before leaving. There wasn't enough time to take corrective action, like getting a USB/wireless adaptor or uploading writing files to the laptop.

So I went away and did nothing the whole time. A complete waste. I think that there maybe time this weekend, as I don't think there are any family commitments. And next week is a three-day week followed by a four-day weekend, which should allow for a little more me time.

Time to start getting serious and find solutions instead of problems.

This week

I did absolutely nothing about joining the writing course. I should have done, but I just didn't. I was very busy doing other stuff with my family, but that's no real excuse. I seem to have frozen and I don't mean I have writer's block.

I'm scared to open up the files and start writing again. I'm worried that what I have already written is bad. Sounds stupid, but it's true. I never used to worry about it, but now I decided to get more serious I'm really having problems with my confidence. That's not something I expected.

I have a very busy day coming up tomorrow, which means I can't do anything on or about writing. In fact I won't even get round to doing my usual housework. I'll have to play catchup on Sunday. However I'm going to try to do something on writing on Sunday too. It doesn't have to be much. I think I'll try looking for paying markets for my short story. Bookmark those I'm interested in.

I'll see if I can print it out and re-read it too, for one last edit. I'll qualify that statement by saying that I don't have a printer attached to my computer so I have to transfer the files to the laptop first. Doesn't sound like much work and it isn't, but for some reason it always seems like a big thing.

It's funny how small obstacles can seem so large.

Writing

So what am I doing about actually getting round to writing? Well not much. I am considering doing an on-line/remote course. I do find that these help me get writing again and maybe it's the push I need.

The one I was considering is this one http://newyorkwritersworkshop.com/newest-nyww-online-course-beginnings2, which was recommended by a certain marine animal's blog. Of course she uses her real name nowadays, but, in general, her advice shouldn't be ignored.

I can't do the Skype version (well I could but I wouldn't get much sleep), but they do have the recorded version. I'm in 2 minds at the moment as it's still a lot of money. Time to weigh the benefits versus costs. I'm too tired to make the decision straight away. I might make the right one, but it's better to wait until I'm fully conscious so I judge things a little better.

I just re-read that last statement and am wondering how true it really is...

Still I have a few days off work next week and an opportunity to buy some shoes. I've had a strong desire to buy shoes for a few weeks now and have resisted. But I think it's time my resolve crumbled and I experience that fleeting moment of ecstasy, before the pain of having to actually walk in the shoes cuts in.

None of this has anything to do with writing. Time to take a nap.

No writing

but I did make 2 marble bags for the children and I planted out the tomato, paprika and aubergine plants. By planting out, I mean I put them in larger pots in the greenhouse and set up the bamboo poles for the tomato plants. The plants aren't actually attached to the poles yet, but they will be.

We've just had the back garden redone and we moved the greenhouse. In fact we halved the size of the greenhouse and moved it so that it is against the girls' playhouse. We literally cut the greenhouse in half using metal cutters. Don't you just love thin aluminium framed greenhouses. And the girls' playhouse is the former brick hen house that dates from the twenties. It was in a dreadful state, but after clearing it out, rebuilding the back wall, plastering inside, painting the inside, completely renovating the roof (it was basically removed and replaced) and actually installing glass in the windows, it makes a large playhouse.

Anyway none of this has to do with writing, but it does have to do with doing things. I had broken the habit of doing things, not just at the weekend, but during the weekday evenings. I used to sit in my chair watching TV or reading from when I got home until I went to bed. I'm starting to change that. Little by little, I'm being to do things again. I might even finish the dress I'm making in the next month. I have to do the button holes at some point, and it's been a long time since I made one. I'm terrified.

Tomorrow I have an exam, so today I'm studying. There will be no other writing today. I was going to say no writing, but I just wrote not just this post, and another one for a different blog, so I have written today. Back to the studying. I have to pass.

Posting

I did mean to post at the weekend, but it never happened. I spent my entire Saturday running errands and Sunday recovering from Saturday. I did start to clean up my desktop computer. This isn't helping, because I have to check/try out everything before I delete it...I wouldn't want to get rid of something important.

OK, so I'm just wasting time, which is never a good idea. I am making some progress, but it's slow and not very steady. I did do other things too. Like finishing off the second arm of the dress I'm making and tacking both arms in place.

I am going to start doing things in the evening too. I need to make a simple, draw-string bag, which should only take one evening to complete and will make someone very happy. That's scheduled for tonight. I have no idea if we have any string in, but the rest I can do.

Of course none of this has anything to do with writing, but it is progress. If I can start doing more things, I will start finding time for writing too. At the moment I find ways of not doing anything, therefore I feel less guilty about not writing. If I'm doing stuff, I'll end up writing again. At least that's what I think will happen...

It's hard

I have been ready to submit my short story for some time now, but I just haven't been able to press the send button. I thought that this would be the easy part. The story is written and re-written and review and edited. Somehow I just can't do it.

I'm worried it will be accepted. Sounds weird I know, you're supposed to worry about being rejected, but if it's accepted that means I really can write. I no longer have an excuse not to take my writing seriously, because someone else out there agrees there's something good in what I write.

Stupid isn't it.

However I've also made a few decisions. First I want to quit my job. I'm not going to do it immediately, but I will start looking at other jobs and opportunities. I'm not sure a full-time, nine-to-five job is really for me anymore, though the paycheck comes in very handy. So I'm also going to look at alternative ways of earning money.

Like through writing or translation or maybe a web shop, which has nothing to do with the previous two options, but it is considerably different from anything I do now. Of course this means I need to start pressing the submit button. I feel sick at the thought, but the sooner I do so, the sooner I'll know if it's a viable option or not.

If it isn't, then I still write and take part in NaNoWriMo. I'm not going to stop. I'll probably even still submit, if I get over my fear, every now and then, but I'll concentrate on other ways to make a living. And, yes, I need to earn money.

We've been a to income family for a long time now and we chose that route deliberately. We love old houses, so we bought one. But it takes a lot of time and money, however we have no intention of selling up to buy something modern and easy to maintain, that just isn't us. Old house and old cars are our passion and I just have to find another way to pay for them.

My job isn't such that I have to quit either for my health or sanity, but I'm just not enjoying it as much as I should be and I have no enthusiasm, which is beginning to show. I know it's time to move on. So now is the time to put effort into the writing and submitting process as well as look at other avenues. Maybe I'll get lucky and find the perfect job...

An update...

I'm not doing so good in updating this blog, but here's one.
I've finally found a copy of a short story I wrote about two years ago. I found it on the back-up, stand alone, hard disk we have. Thank the lord for back ups. I'm going to submit this story to magazines etc. and see if anyone wants to publish it. I'm going to start with paying markets first and go down from there. :)

My new, desk-top computer is up and running and it is on this computer that I have put the story. I will put it onto a USB stick just as soon as I have one with some space. I have also re-installed yWriter5 on to this computer.

I have a nasty habit of using my desk top computer for games and I tend to pick playing games over writing. I also own a netbook, which I only use for writing. The idea is that I move the story to the netbook, re-read it, edit as necessary and then submit it for publication.

My work computer is dying, so at the moment the entire contents of its hard drive are on a variety of USB sticks and portable hard drives. Hence I have no space available for the story. (Though having said that and while editing this post, I found a small USB stick, which does have space. So tonight the story gets moved.) I will be getting a new, work laptop in a week or two.

I've started to make a new schedule for writing and I'm actually doing some. Not a lot, but it's a start. I need to get into the habit of writing and that habit needs to be substainable.

I need to move the files around. For NaNoWriMo, I kept the files on a USB stick, but now I want to concentrate on using my netbook and not to write at work if at all possible. Therefore I will copy all the files on to the netbook.

One publication I'm going to check out is 'The New Yorker', because if I'm going to be rejected, I want to be rejected by the best.

And I keep getting sick, which means I'm tired all the time. At the moment a normal day is wake-up, eat, go to work, get home, eat and sleep. Repeat for all working days. I'm starting to feel a bit better - touch wood.

My typing is much worse. I don't seem to be able to 1) put my hands in the right rest positions on the keyboard and 2) hit the right keys when typing. I always seem to be a letter or two off or I press too many of the right key.

Practice make perfect. Now all I need to do is practice.

It's been a while

But I am feeling much better and I have started to write again. At least sometimes.

I'm going to try to start writing a blog. Nothing to do with writing or related subject, so I won't mention it here. It is still in the planning stages. I don't have a title or anything at the moment. Just an idea.

I'm still planning on submitting the short story I wrote a couple of years ago. I need to find it again. I know it's on my home computer, I just have to dig it out.

After I've caught up with that, I'm going to start on my book again. I know it has potential, all I have to do is make it work.

Sounds so simple...

Not so good

So I've not been feeling brilliant lately and have done practically nothing on my writing. I've had great plans and have done very little, including not submitting a short story to a competition. Stupid, but actually not that surprising.

This is because I am apparently suffering from moderate severe anxiety and moderate severe depression. Now there's something to get anxious and depressed about. To be truthful, it's not as bad as it seems. I'm not taking any medication and I won't be taking any.

I will be doing some 'courses' to help me change my way of thinking and reacting to situations. This is CBT - cognitive behavioural therapy and I should see results pretty quickly. It's not a quick fix, but most people see results fairly quickly if they do the work.

So I'm deliberately taking a break from writing and a few other things, while I get this sorted out or at least under control. I'm already feeling better, which may sound odd, but last weekend for the first time in a long time I took a brisk, 9-km walk, which I enjoyed immensely. Exercise does help as long as it's a type of exercise you enjoy.

I used to walk a lot. I lived on the edge of a village and used to walk in the hills frequently. I used to bike in the hills too. Now I live in a village in the middle of farmland. Very flat farm land too. It's now where near as pretty and I feel a bit uncomfortable walking around here. Most of the people who live here don't do that sort of thing. I need to get over this and get out more.

I'll try and keep writing here at least once a week. No promises though.

Christmas break

And it really was a break from everything except my family. I didn't write or read anything. Hopefully this weekend I will print out the entire NaNoWriMo manuscript, then I'll chop it into scenes and rearrange it all over the next few weeks.

As I move stuff around, I'll also rewrite the scenes - add or take away as necessary. I know that not all of them will be used. I put in extra background more for myself than anything else. The ending definitely needs work. I rushed it in November in order to finish on time.

The current version is almost two stories which don't quite come together. I need to make these two sides mesh a little better.

As usual I know what I need to do, I just haven't done it. Anyone noticing a theme here...

I also have a short story I wrote some time ago and as long as I can find it again, I'm going to edit it once more or at least read through it and then I'm going to submit it to magazines for publications. I still need to research this part, so at the moment I have no idea to which ones I will send it, but I will send it. That's my one resolution: to submit this one story for publication.

It would be nice if it is published, but I also want to get some experience in this area.

No more written

I've been busy, just not with writing. I've been catching up on other parts of my life.

Hopefully over Christmas, I will get a chance to work on my writing. I want to go through what I wrote for NaNoWriMo and rearrange the scenes and chapters. To do this I need to write an outline. Well to be fair, I have to do the 2 at the same time so that they match.

If I do get time, I will be able to start the second draft in January. If I don't get round to it, I won't start the second draft until March or later.

Time to get my act together.